Daddys Girl
by: Angel

The Beginning

I used to be a daddy's girl... once. It was a long time ago, though. No one could probably understand what would make a daddy's girl stop being just that, daddy's little girl.

Her name was Roxanne.

I never really liked her. My dad begged me to not do anything that might make her leave him. He liked her. I thought she was quite a bitch, personally. I tolerated her though. She wasn't the most rotten grape in the bowl of relationships my dad has had. Or so I thought.

They got married 2 days before valentines day. I was 14 and a brides maid. It all went well, it was a beautiful wedding. I'd never saw my dad so nervous, but this was also his 5th marriage [first in a church]. I now had 2 step brothers that I liked. They were pretty darn cool. I still like them. I haven't seen Larry since I was pregnant, but I saw James last year and he's a good kid. Smart and fun to just chat with.

I really am getting off topic, now.

When Reality Hit

Anyway, it didn't take long for Roxanne to place herself between my father and me. "My son needs father/son time with Jim because he hasn't gotten to spend anytime with him in two weeks!" Gee lady, I hadn't even seen my dad in over a month. Your son lives with the two of you.

If it wasn't, "Spend time with me! Jim needs to spend more time with my son." It was, "Lets spend some time together as a family!" That always consisted of me feeling out of place and kind of pushed out.

It was about a year when I just up and stopped visiting all together. I went long periods of time without seeing him. It was down to once a year [even though they were only a 15 minute drive away] up until dad lost his house and had to move. The house my dad and my mom moved into together when I was 2 1/2 years old. That old house held so many memories to me. At that time it was about 17 years worth of memories [I was 19].

It was during my pregnancy that they lost the house. Then they moved to Fort Wayne for a short time before the final stop of - Florida.

I didn't think it was possible, but I managed to hear from my dad even less then than I had when he lived only 15 minutes away. It wasn't long after that move that I told him what I thought of him, what I thought of his wife, and what I thought of him as a father. He wasn't one. He was a failure. 5 years of pent up anger flowed out of me. I have him a verbal bitch slap, which he didn't really react to except say, "yeah... uhhuh... okay... uhhuh."

A Child At Heart

I was having a hard week April of last year. Some issues with someone where I just needed to get away from where I live, out of the state. I needed to enjoy myself for a short period of time. So I called up dad and asked him if I could go with him for a week, on the truck. I knew that by going by that tactic, their'd be no Roxanne. Just me and my dad doing what we used to do when I was a kid. Except now I was a mom, myself.

After he tried to talk me into letting Roxanne come get me instead, and I let out a very loud "HELL NO!" we got everything set up for me to go with him for a week. I love being on the truck with him. It was almost like old times, except with a controlling step-mom that makes him call when he stops somewhere, goes to pee, eats something, and fuels up his truck. Did I mention that his phone never stops ringing because she calls him every 1/2 hour... even when he's sleeping? The phone calls don't stop until she finally goes to bed. Oh boy does she get pissed if he turns off his phone too.

Oh... by day two her whininess was fun. Did you catch that? It was sarcasm. Anyway, by day two she was calling dad bitching because he supposedly spent more time with me than he does her son.

Oh golly gee! I never knew that spending two days every 6 [or is it 7?] years together just father/daughter time was a lot? I really had to wonder where that jealous psycho got the nerve to even say something like that.

Before I would be taken back home I had to spend a weekend in Florida. I really didn't look forward to that. With good reason. She tried to control my daughter. She, of course, spent most of her time bitching. Then as a final farewell at the end of it all at 5 am, she called me a "little bitch" because I wouldn't interrupt her and dad screaming at eachother to say goodbye to her.

Dad didn't hear the end of that for the rest of the day. She called every half hour to complain about how I couldn't say goodbye to her. Well, gee, I intended to if the two of them had stopped screaming for 5 seconds. By the end of the 2nd call I was really damn glad I hadn't afterall. I really do hate her, and her discomfort is my joy. I'm not overly evil, but if she wanted to draw something out that badly... I'll be happy to cause her anguish. No need to be sad over it if she can't let go of something insignificant.

I got home and bawled my eyes out because it was all over. Because I enjoyed my time with dad and I knew it'd be a really long time before I could have that piece of childhood back. I cried like I used to when I knew my weekend at dads house was over in elementary school. I felt and cried like I was still a kid, not a parent myself.

The Reality

I know now that my dad is not a true dad. I am not a kid anymore and I can't reach out to what I missed in my early teens. It still hurts me to think about everything. I even cry now as I write this out.

I know as a mom that no parent should let someone get between them and their kids. My dad did that repeatedly with every step mom and girlfriend he's had. He doesn't even know where his 12 year old son is. My brother. Neither of us have seen him since he was a toddler. He lets his wife control his life, his money, everything. He always has, but this time it's magnified 10 fold.

Nothing will ever change him. He'll never "see the light." He's not special. He's a faulted human. I have the love any child would have for a parent. I can tell you what he doesn't have, my respect. I can't respect someone who'd trade their kids for another persons' wishes.

It doesn't mean I will ever stop missing him.